My Perfect Little Wife
by Eternity-incarnate
Summary: Keitaro is suddenly landed with a customtaylored wife,created especially to suit his every preference.The only problem is,she's slightly underage.Enter Urashima Makie, the Perfect LITTLE Wife.
1. Chapter 1

My Perfect Little Wife

This first chapter is just to test the idea. Please read the author's note at the end if you want to know why. If anyone likes it, please take the time to review. This is, after all, my first ever fanfic, so comments and feedback would be much appreciated. Thanks.

Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina or Sasaki Makie from Mahou Sensei Negima. They are properties of their rightful owners, Akamatsu Ken and Tokyo Pop. In no way do I profit from this story. I'm only writing it to settle a bet and have a little fun while I'm at it ;p.

Proofread, by force, by Apocalypse Alchemist, Zenithos, and everyone else who had put me up to this bet. Oh, Beyond the Bounds proofread too, just for fun, he claimed. My thanks to them, for without them, there wouldn't be a story to proofread anyway. Also, thanks to BTB who guided me through publishing the story.

Notes:

Dana-sama: My Darling/honey/ any other form of endearment towards a husband.

Chibi: Small, child-like form.

Chapter 1: My Husband

* * *

Urashima Keitaro, 20 year old Toudai retaker, dorm manager, and, not to mention, constant human pinball, had had a really long and arduous day at the cram school, and was looking forwards to a long cool off in his room.

"I'm home…" He called out, to no one in particular. He knew nobody cared…well, perhaps Shinobu, but nobody else.

"Ah! Welcome home, dana-sama!" A cute little voice said from below.

At first his brain only registered the words at a subconscious level. Then the thought moved its way slowly upwards to his brain. The thought made a few knocks on his main thought processing centre, waited for a bit, then hammered at it in an irritable way, before someone finally slouched over to the door and opened. The 'someone' inside the main thought processing centre collapsed from pure shock as it received the message, and alerted the main instincts centre to take over just before it passed out.

The main instincts centre merely decided to just verify what it had just heard and told the entire head to turn downwards and see the source of the voice.

Keitaro, whose head was boiling from overwork, obeyed and looked down. There, on the verandah, was a young teenage girl in what seemed to be a white contemporary maid's dress, kneeling in welcome. She had light pink hair, tied into two cute short ponytails with two kitty bell shaped hair ornaments.

Keitaro readjusted his glasses a bit and squinted down at the girl, who smiled back up at him cheerfully. He took of his glasses, wiped them on his shirt, before putting them back on. She was still there. He then proceeded to shut his eyes for moments at a time before re-opening them. She was still there each and every time he opened his eyes.

"Uhh…what exactly did you just call me?" Keitaro asked.

"Dana-sama! You are my husband, after all." The girl said.

"I…I'm not married…" Keitaro said, weakly, his brain now working on auxiliary power. His brain must be playing tricks on him. It was the fatigue. Heck, it was all that calculus. He knew it would get him someday. He kicked off his shoes and walked in past the girl, who continued to look up at him with admiring eyes.

She suddenly leapt up and hugged Keitaro around the waist. "Dana-sama! Aren't you happy to see me?"

"Wh…what?" Keitaro sighed, looking around. "Look…I'm a little tired. If Mitsune put you up to this, you can go back and tell her it's not funny…" But the girl seemed far too busy to hear him. She was busier snuggling into the small of his back.

"…you're home." The cool, drawn-out voice of Haruka came from the living room. Keitaro looked in and found her sitting in the living room. He approached, glad for a source of some form of logic and reason.

"Uhh…Haruka-san…who's this kid?" Keitaro asked, pointing down at the girl who was still hugging Keitaro tightly.

"She is, as it seems, your wife." Haruka said, her face a stone wall.

Keitaro, his brain far too dead to register any more nonsense, merely went, "Wha…?"

"I said, she's your wife. You're her husband. Is that too difficult to comprehend?" Haruka asked. Keitaro frowned slightly as he tried to process this in his already sluggish mind. The thought of dropping dead on the sofa kept on replaying in his mind, but he fought a savage war for control against the more ancient parts of his brain. He resolved to searching Haruka's face for any signs of jokes or hoaxes. Nope. It was as impenetrable as ever.

He then noticed 3 men dressed in black, complete with sunglasses and black mobster hats, sitting opposite Haruka.

"Uhh…your friends, Haruka-san?" Keitaro asked, wondering if these people had anything to do with the yakuza. Knowing Haruka, Keitaro was ready to bet on that.

"Urashima Keitaro, pleased to make you acquaintance." One of the men said, standing up and gasping his unresisting hand and giving it a strong handshake. "I'm the father of Urashima Makie, your wife." Keitaro subconsciously labeled this one as Man A.

"It's a real honour to finally meet you, Urashima Keitaro." Another man said, standing up and taking Keitaro's hand. "I'm also Urashima Makie's father." Keitaro's mind labeled him as Man B, or rather, Papa B, and corrected his first label to Papa A.

"It's a pleasure, Urashima Keitaro." Another man said heartily, shaking Keitaro's hand firmly. "I'm the proud father of Urashima Makie." Right, Papa C.

"Err…Urashima Makie?" Keitaro asked.

"That's me, dana-sama!" The girl said, squeezing Keitaro tightly.

"I'm married?" Keitaro asked, groggily. His entire brain had shut down amidst the introductions. Now it was his tongue doing the thinking, with perhaps a little help from his vocal chords.

"Yes." The three men answered.

"And she's my wife?" Keitaro continued.

"That is a fact." The three men chorused.

"Oh…ok then…then it's all fine…" Keitaro said, walking off sleepily with Makie at his side, smiling a cute little smile as she hung onto Keitaro's arm. Haruka and the three men watched him go quietly.

A few minutes later there was a crash before Keitaro came running back down to the living room with Makie dragged along behind him, her arms still entangled around Keitaro's.

"I'M MARRIED?!" Keitaro asked again, bellowing this time. His face was a mix of shock, incredulity, exasperation, and, quite possibly, constipation.

"Yes." The three men said again, patiently.

"Yes. I think we've established that." Haruka said calmly. "And we thought you were ok with it."

"OK WITH IT?!" Keitaro shouted. "AND SHE'S MY WIFE?!" Keitaro asked, pulling Makie off him and holding her out. Due to anime imperatives, she had somehow turned into a very small chibi form which allowed Keitaro to hold her out.

"That is a fact." The three men chorused again. "It's a simple concept. Not at all hard to grasp." Papa A added.

"HEY!" Keitaro shouted. "I DIDN'T EVEN SAY 'I DO' OR ANYTHING ELSE TO THAT EFFECT! I DIDN'T OFFER ANY RINGS, SIGN ANY DOCUMENTS, CUT ANY CAKES…HECK, I'VE BEEN SINGLE ALL MY LIFE!"

"Well, congratulations. You're no longer single." Papa B said, giving him a thumbs up.

"This isn't a game!" Keitaro shouted. "I've only met her today. How can she be my wife? I never agreed to anything!" Keitaro said, this time, slightly slower, in case anyone missed what he had just screamed out before.

"Oh…you did." Papa C said, taking out a piece of paper. "You did agree to having a wife."

"WHAT?!" Keitaro took the piece of paper from the man and read through it. "This was a questionnaire form from a magazine!" Keitaro shouted, exasperated. "It was from this….err…well…popular men's magazine." Keitaro said, blushing, swinging the piece of paper around.

"Dana-sama…" Makie looked up at him adoringly "You're so cute when you blush…". Keitaro flinched as the cute eyes effect took its toll on him.

Keitaro averted his eyes from her, with some difficulty, and got back to the subject. "But…but…this questionnaire, it only asked me what kind of a girl would be perfect for me!" Keitaro shouted. He remembered why he even filled it in. It was just because he was so frustrated and angry after getting roughly beaten around over another misunderstanding by the tenants. He had filled in the questionnaire with everything the other tenants weren't or didn't have, even hair colour. Realization dawned on him as he noticed for the first time that Makie's hair colour was pink…he shook off these thoughts and dismissed them as being utterly silly, just as the whole thing was.

"But here, it says, that you'd marry this girl of your dreams." Papa A said, indicating one of the questions on the questionnaire, which Keitaro had marked 'yes'. "Makie is exactly as you described her in the questionnaire. Is there anything you don't like about her?"

"Well…" Keitaro gave Makie a thorough external appraisal. "…The fact that she looks seriously underage?" Keitaro said. It was true. Makie looked as if she was only 13 or 14 years old.

The three men stared at him for a moment, then at Makie, who seemed a bit confused, then down at the questionnaire. They looked at one another, coughed dryly, then smiled up at Keitaro.

"Err…yes, there was a slight problem…" Papa A said.

"A bug, if you please." Papa B said.

"It's just that though every other part of the project was successful, she, somehow, failed to grow past the age of 14." Papa C explained, smiling a really tense smile.

"But, she's still your wife, I mean, the documents are right here." Papa A said, offering Keitaro a legal looking document. Keitaro scanned through it and found that it was a marriage contract, signed and stamped by the local court. His signature was, strangely, there too.

"So she is…" Keitaro nodded. Then he shook his head violently and shouted, "HEY! I don't even remember signing this!"

"You agreed to it by signing the questionnaire." Papa B said.

"I was wondering about that…what kind of questionnaire requires you to sign anything?" Keitaro said, thoughtfully, before shaking his head again. "HEY! The whole thing's just a load of…" He shouted, before he paused with another thoughtful look, which rather resembled someone remembering a particularly painful bowel movement. "…wait…did you people say…she stopped growing at the age of 14? And what project is this you're talking about?"

"Classified information." The three men said simultaneously, with large grins on their faces. Makie cocked her head to one side in curiosity.

Keitaro, on the other hand, slammed his fists down on the table. "What classified information?! You expect me to just swallow all this willingly without any explanations?!"

"Ok…I guess we can tell you this." Papa A said. "We are government agents. This whole thing is a government project. Since you were the only one to send back the questionnaire, we chose you to be our candidate for this highly ambitious project." He explained.

"Unfortunately, we are unable to divulge anything more." Papa B said. "Sorry, Keitaro-kun."

"B…but…but…I can't get married…My mother and father would never agree to this." Keitaro said. He could already see that he was fighting a losing battle, especially since this was the government he was fighting. But he refused to give up without a fight. They're going to have to drag him into this kicking and screaming.

"You're not _getting_ married. You're ALREADY married." Papa C said. "Besides, your father and mother had already given us their consent."

"Wh…what?!" Keitaro shouted in disbelief. "Th…they agreed?!"

"Apparently, your parents were given life-long free life insurances, a slide on their mortgage, not to mention a hefty tax break." Haruka said.

"Your aunt agreed to it too." Papa A added.

"H…HARUKA-SAN!" Keitaro shouted, feeling betrayed. Haruka merely coughed. All those offers, including free tobacco taxes, were far too good to pass up.

"Live with it, nephew." Was all Haruka said, before standing up. "Congratulations on your marriage. I wish you both a happy, fruitful life." She said, leaving, doing her best to seem as if she couldn't care less about all the incentives.

"We'll check up on you two again some other time. Good luck!" Papa A said.

"Bye Papas!" Makie shouted cheerfully, waving them goodbye.

"Bye, Makie-chan. Take care, all right?" Papa B said.

"Do your best, Makie-chan." Papa C said, as he left.

They all left Keitaro and Makie standing at the doorstep. Makie was still smiling cheerfully, as if nothing is or, indeed, can go wrong with the world. Keitaro, on the other hand, was wearing an expression of utter disbelief. What was happening to him? How on earth could this have happened?

He swore he'd never fill out questionnaires ever again.

Heck, he swore he'd never read….'popular men's magazines' ever again.

"Now…how on earth am I supposed to explain this to the others?" Keitaro sighed, feeling abandoned by the world to his fate.

"Don't worry, Dana-sama. Everything will be completely fine." Makie said optimistically, cuddling Keitaro as they went back in.

"Listen. I will never acknowledge this! None of this could be true!" Keitaro shouted. "Not to mention, you're seriously underage!" He pointed out.

"Hmm?" Makie again cocked her head to one side in confusion.

"Oh…here they come now…" Keitaro said, as he heard footsteps up on the stairs. Any moment now, all hell was going to break loose.

"KEITARO!" A number of voice screamed.

Keitaro sighed. It was the perfect end to a perfect day…

* * *

To be continued, if anyone's interested.

Author's note: How was the idea for this really weird fanfic conceived?

This is an extremely, extremely stupid idea our circle of writers suddenly had. It was originally Apocalypse Alchemist's silly little idea for a fanfic that he got as we were watching this really funny romance anime after going through the entire series of Love Hina Again. We, Zenithos, Apocalypse Alchemist, a few other anime-loving writers, and I, Eternity Incarnate, talked it over jokingly for a few minutes, then made a bet (not a particularly serious one, mind you), then played rock papers and scissors. Beyond the Bounds was there as well but he was amongst the few who just laughed off the idea. The result of the bet? I was put up to writing it.

To be honest, I've never written fanfics before. So far, I've pretty much been a short story and magazine article writer. But, in keeping with the bet…well…

I swear I'll never lose at Rock, Papers, and Scissors ever again! But, truth be told, this was kind of fun. Now I know what BTB and Zenithos always go on about when they talk about their fanfics. haha.


	2. Chapter 2

Chp2: The Principles of Bathtub Design

Right, I guess I'll try and continue the fanfic for a bit. The first chapter turned out quite fun to write, so I thought, hey, why not? Thankfully, Zenithos and Beyond the Bounds have agreed to help me out in places and provide constant proofreading.

Ok, err…remember that really funny romance anime I said me and the others were watching just before we decided on the bet? Well, surprise, surprise, it WAS Rizelmine. Yes, to all of you who guessed it, congratulations. The Papa A, B, and C must've been a dead give away, I'm sure. So was the 'dana-sama', perhaps. To those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, don't worry. It doesn't matter. It won't affect your understanding of my story. Though, I do recommend Rizelmine. It's a nice anime to pass time with.

Oh, and if you have the time, please do take a look at some of Zenithos' and Beyond the Bound's works, especially Zenithos' Sister Princess and BTB's Forevermore and Soul Requiem, all of which are pretty much my favourites.

Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina. The story idea WAS inspired by Rizelmine, which I do not own either. Also, I am NOT a lolicon, so you can't sue me for that either.

Also, thanks ever so much for the reviews. They're partly what motivated me to continue on with the story. Without you guys, there won't be a chapter 2. Thank you. I'm still a beginner fanfic writer, so feedback and suggestions are always welcome.

* * *

Keitaro sighed as he looked up at his ceiling in a daze. How did things end up this way?

For one thing, there was now a crater in the middle of his living room. He rolled over on his futon, trying to find a better position. Then he reflected on this and realized the only better position at the moment was to be dead.

He reflected on this further. Why was he better off dead? He thought over his predicament…

He was married. Why should he be upset about that? He was, after all, technically a newlywed.

An inner part of his brain nudged the aforementioned central thought processing unit. Oh yes, his so-called wife's a kid. But why was that a problem?

The inner part of his brain broke down the doors of the central thought processing unit and gave the controller inside a German supplex. Oh yes, he'd be labeled a lolicon.

Oh, and don't forget the crater in the living room, the inner part of his brain reminded, as it climbed over the ashes of the thought processing unit's controller.

Why was there a crater?

Oh…this was an easy question…but it led to some really grim answers. Keitaro started to feel he was better off dead again.

His mind rewound back to the scene that took place about half an hour ago.

Narusegawa Naru was, all in all, a beauty queen with a national first rank to her name, an ok cook, quite the nerd, and, at times, a psychopathic sadistic devil with a penchant for punishing crimes in the name of justice. No questions asked. She IS that justice.

"KEITARO! WHY'RE YOU HOME SO LATE?!" Naru shouted. "The hot spring's a mess, the halls are dusty, not to mention, you left the bills out!" Naru threw a pile of bills onto the living room coffee table. "Wait…who's that kid?" She asked, pointing at Makie.

Aoyama Motoko was a samurai Femme Fatal, with capital 'F's (in fact, you might want to underline 'fatal' and add a few spotlights to it to make sure nobody misses it), with a long, sharp katana and a personality made to match. She doesn't hate men. She loathed them and she didn't want anyone, especially males, to make any mistakes about it. She made sure of it too, usually with her katana. Perversion, in her dictionary, is defined as a deadly sin, and she was there to make sure it was deadly.

"URASHIMA…!" Motoko shouted, unsheathing her katana an inch. "Are you hitting in little children again? Was Shinobu not enough?"

Konno Mitsune was Hinata Sou's resident flirt, devil's advocate, flirt, drunkard, flirt, gambler, and, don't forget, flirt. Alcohol and money lasts in her hands just as long as men, that is to say, you'd have to discover new smaller units of time measurement to actually measure it.

"Woah….Keitaro, careful there. We can talk about this, you know, really nicely. Just don't make any wrong moves…" Mitsune said, grinning. "I assure you, we're here to help…"

Kaolla Suu was a crazy loose cannonball of a mad scientist with a touch of megalomania, an overbearing obsession for bananas and weapons of mass destruction, and the mentality of the mad hatter, to say the least. Her heart's in the right place though. Only her brain isn't. If Freud knew her, he'd have to design a whole new personality type aside from A and B and designate it type Z, just to classify Suu.

"Nyahahahahaha! Is Keitaro being bad again?!" She asked, jumping up and down. "Suu's built an all new banana force-feeder to punish bad boys!"

Shinobu Maehara. Whereas Suu is type Z, Shinobu would fall into Type B or, possibly, even Type D. She's as waterproof as a sponge and cries at the smallest things. She is, probably, Keitaro's favourite tenant, due to the fact that she's the only relatively sane person in the inn, and sanity being a scarce resource in the Hinata Sou and the tendency to treasure rare things being a natural human trait, well, it's no surprise that Keitaro would like her best.

She was, at this point, silent, yet the expression of utmost concern was, as usual, on her face.

"Answer me, Keitaro!" Naru shouted.

"Err…" Keitaro stalled. He knew he will have to do some fast thinking. He had to think of a way to break the news slowly and easily to the tenants. It would come as a shock, so he had to handle the situation very, very…..

"I'm Dana-sama's wife." Makie said happily, glomping onto Keitaro.

Keitaro went frozen out of shock. Due to anime imperatives, a few cracks formed all over him due to the nature of the shock being a rather strong one.

The other tenants had gone white. Possibly out of shock. Or, possibly, and Keitaro was praying that this wasn't the case, out of pure rage.

He tripped over the messy uncoordinated jumble that was his vocal chords but somehow managed to get them moving. He found that his mouth was in the way. He tried to open them, but a creaking groan came out instead. Where was his tongue? It was there last time he checked. Oh, there it is. Keitaro finally managed to find his tongue. "I…can…explain…" He managed.

"DIE!" was the only reply he got from 3 of the 5 tenants. One just laughed maniacally and used the opportunity to test out another new weapon of mass destruction. The last of the 5 turned around and bawled as she ran up the stairs.

"Dana-sama?" Makie looked around at her husband, who had, somehow, disappeared. "Dana-sama?" She called out, turning around. Keitaro was already halfway to the door when a small knife caught his trouser leg and pinned it to the floor, bringing him down along with it.

"Now….you die…" Motoko said, raising her katana.

"Prepare…" Naru said, as she and Mitsune together raised their fists.

"Lock On!" Suu shouted, aiming the gigantic positron cannon perched on her shoulder.

"N…no! Don't hurt dana-sama!" Makie shouted. She didn't really understand the situation but she surely knew that her husband was in mortal danger. Tears brimmed in her eyes as she realized she was, at this moment, too late to do anything. "Please…no…"

"FINISH HIM!" Motoko bellowed, slashing down at Keitaro.

"NOOOOOOO!" Makie screamed, as her tears fell to the floor.

That was all Keitaro remembered. The next thing he knew, there was a smoking crater in the middle of his living room, with the girls all thrown randomly around the room.

Standing in the middle of the crater, amidst the settling dust, was a sniffling Makie, trying her best to hold back her tears.

A small, egg-shaped object rolled onto the scene, slid open, before the high-pitched wail of the microphone feedback filled the room.

"Ahem…" Said a voice from the egg. "Is this thing on? I can see the red light blinking…it's on? Really? Ok, this is a recorded message. We just wanted to let you know, Makie's tears are pure nitroglycerin, so utmost caution should be exercised to ensure that she doesn't cry. In the event that she does cry, the only thing you can do is try and comfort her….from behind a concrete bunker. Thank you, and have a nice day. This message will self-destruct in…wait, do I push this button now? Oh yes, right…in about 10 seconds." The message cut off and a small black bomb popped out of the egg, it's fuse alight.

"Now you tell me…" Keitaro sighed, shaking his head. "Wait…this thing's going to self destr……" KABOOOOOM.

"Nitroglycerin?" Keitaro mumbled as the flashback sequence ended with the second crater. "Why? Why nitroglycerin? It could've been normal tears. It could've been sea water, fresh water, mountain dew, Dr. Pepper, or anything. Heck, it could've been maple syrup. But noooooo…it HAD to be nitroglycerin…" Keitaro muttered.

"Dana-sama!" Makie greeted as she slid open the door.

"Y….you?!" Keitaro yelped, sitting up so fast his backbone almost burned from the friction. "Wh…what….wait, what on earth are you wearing?!"

"Silly Dana-sama, it's a yukata." Makie said happily. "It's what wives wear on their first…"

"AWAWAWAWAWAWA!" Keitaro cried, waving his arms about. "Wh….I know it's a yukata! But….but….you can't be serious. I mean….I mean…what's your name again?"

"Urashima Makie." Makie said confidently.

"That's it, I don't even know your name properly yet. We can't go around pretending to be husband and wife when we don't know each other." Keitaro blurted in a panic.

"Hmmm? But we're already husband and wife. We're not pretending." Makie said, cocking her head to one side. "And since we're husband and wife, we know each other better than anyone in the world. QED."

"You can't understand super simple concepts and yet you know complicated words like QED…" Keitaro sighed in frustration, shaking his head. "Listen, you're a really nice little girl, I can see that. But I can't be your husband. You're underage. I'm still trying to get into university. It just wouldn't work."

"Hohe?" Makie cocked her another way and thought about this for a moment. "Ah, I get it!" Makie said triumphantly, seemingly proud about the fact that she navigated her way through Keitaro's complex argument.

"You do? Good." Keitaro smiled, glad to have reached an understanding.

"Ummm…so…can we kiss?" Makie asked.

"You're not listening to me, are you?" Keitaro sighed again.

"Dana-sama!" Makie cried happily, leaping on Keitaro and hugging him tightly. "Nyaa….my first time hugging Dana-sama…"

"Ok…you're seriously not listening to me…." Keitaro sighed, yet again.

"But it's what husband and wives do on their first…"

"Ok…forget it. I don't think you even know the concept of 'first'…" Keitaro said, prying Makie off him. "Excuse me…I think I'll go and splash some water in my face…" He sighed, leaving the room.

"…Dana-sama…" Makie murmured, looking out of the corridor at Keitaro's retreating form. "…You're so nice…so very nice and gentle. Worry not, for Makie-chan will never leave your side. You shall be lonely no more…" She closed her eyes and smiled, clasping her hands by her heart. "I shall forever be there for you, Dana-sama…in fortune and in poverty, in sickness and in health, even should death parts us."

* * *

"This is…an unexpected development…" Mitsune said, wincing as she placed an icepack on her bruised arm.

"Th…That Keitaro….he will not get away with this…" Naru grumbled. "Ouch….ouch…not so tight, Shinobu-chan."

"S…sorry, sempai…" Shinobu mumbled, still crying silently, as she bandaged Naru's head.

"He will pay for his sins…" Motoko growled, grasping her katana tightly, before wincing as the pain in her arms flared up again.

"A…Anou….it…it was Keitaro-sempai who carried everyone here…" Shinobu mumbled.

"WHAT?!" Motoko shouted, standing up abruptly, causing a dozen or so of her muscles to strain under pressure, forcing her to sit down again slowly, wincing violently from the pain. "Th…that pervert…touched me?"

"Anou….he had helped treat everyone…before he left." Shinobu whispered, now unsure of how to proceed. Keitaro had left early to make sure nobody woke up and learnt of these facts. Shinobu, believing it would do Keitaro good, had chosen to divulge them.

As it turned out, the truth achieved the complete opposite.

"I…shall…kill…him…then feed him to the fishes…" Motoko said in a dangerously low voice. "I hereby make a vow as a samurai that I shall not rest until he is wiped off the face of the earth…"

"I'll lay him to rest personally with my own fists…" Naru growled. "That perverted lolicon…"

"Yeah….how dare he get married without inviting us…I want to demand my free sake…" Mitsune muttered.

"….why did everything go kaboom?" Suu asked. Everyone reflected on this for a moment.

It was just beyond everyone…

"Err….why indeed…" Mitsune nodded, sharing the perplexity.

"That's beside the point at this time. The thing is, we've got a hentai to exterminate." Motoko said, decisively.

"Agreed." Naru nodded.

"Anou…." Shinobu whimpered.

Motoko and Naru got up.

They then got back down really, really slowly, wincing violently at the same time.

"….your injuries…" Shinobu whispered.

"Tomorrow…" Motoko said, gritting her teeth.

"…Agreed…" Naru nodded, grabbing Mitsune's sake and downing it.

"…Naru...my sake…." Mitsune gasped, then fell silent, seeing the look in Naru's eyes.

It was a look that scared the very wits out of her.

* * *

"Sigh…." Keitaro sighed happily as he slowly slid into his bathtub. The hot water sloshed over the sides before gently lapping at the sides. He had somehow gotten Makie to agree to a few things the night before.

The first thing was to sleep on a separate futon (she didn't want to sleep in any other room).

The second thing was that he was tired and he didn't have the appetite for anything (this was the difficult part, but she somehow understood).

Now there was nothing to disturb his bath.

The door slowly slid open…

Correction…almost nothing…

"Dana-sama!" Makie shouted, cheerfully leaping into the tub.

"Oy! Oy!" Keitaro shouted. Too late…

"Dana-sama! Nyaaa….my first time bathing with Dana-sama…." Makie said happily, glomping onto Keitaro.

"Y…YOU…you can't do that!" Keitaro shouted.

"Hohe? Aren't we husband and wife?" Makie asked, innocently, giving Keitaro a cute little look.

"HEY!" Keitaro shouted. "I NEVER AGREED TO….oh no…"

Makie had left the door wide open…

And there, beyond the door, stood Naru, Motoko, Mitsune, Suu, and a teary-eyed Shinobu.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO! SEMPAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!" Shinobu screamed, running away.

Naru and Motoko were shaking with pure rage.

"M…must… kill pervert…." Naru managed, shuddering violently, as pure instincts took over.

"D…DIE…." Motoko stammered, taking out her katana.

"You…" Mitsune growled. "Where's my free wedding sake?"

Suu, meanwhile, being the only one insane yet rational enough to have realized that the explosion the night before was caused by nitroglycerin, had gone to take cover, somewhere safe with a good observation view.

"I…I can explain everything…" Keitaro managed, standing up. Wrong move. In doing so, he exposed the wrong part of his body.

All three girls blushed profusely and simultaneously shrieked "DIE!"

"DANA-SAMA!" Makie shouted. She had failed her dana-sama once the night before. It wasn't going to happen again. Now she knew who the enemies of her dana-sama were and she wasn't going to lose the initiative again.

What happened next happened so quickly that the water droplets didn't even have time to reach the ground.

Makie took hold of the bathtub's side and leapt out, delivering three consecutive mid-air kicks that connected with Naru's chin, Mitsune's nose, and Motoko's forehead. She swept up a nearby towel with her toes and threw it upwards as she somersaulted over the bathtub's edge and landed crouching on the floor in front of it.

The towel gently floated downwards and landed on her back.

Keitaro, meanwhile, was left dazed in his bathtub.

"…Mu…mufu…" Naru muttered, clutching her chin and mouth.

"I'll…I'll get you for that…" Mitsune groaned, clutching her nose, almost covering her eyes.

"You'll pay for that…" Motoko gritted her teeth, clutching her forehead.

(All three resembled the three monkeys, one deaf, one blind, and one mute)

"Amyu…Time to run away…" Makie said, wrapping her towel around herself and getting up.

"Huh?" Keitaro was barely hanging onto everything.

"Hang on, Dana-sama!" Makie shouted, leaping back into the bathtub, as the three girls got to their feet and screamed newer, crazier battle cries.

Let's say bathtubs weren't exactly designed for this sort of thing….

* * *

"How interesting…so this is the Hinata Sou…" A teenage girl remarked, upon ascending the long flight of stairs. Her shiny black hair was tied up into two cloth covered buns on her head. Everything about her screamed Chinese (and, quite possibly, diabolical ingenious maniac), starting from her clothing up to her cheeky smile.

"Sniffle….sniffle…" The Chinese girl looked around and noticed a young girl crying quietly on one side of the courtyard. The young girl looked up as she noticed the Chinese girl looking at her. Their eyes met. The young girl could faintly perceive a glint in the Chinese girl's eyes.

CRASH…

They both looked around at the source of the crash, the door.

A large cylindrical wooden object was rolling rapidly out of the demolished front door, with a horde of insane looking women following closely behind.

The Chinese girl calmly stepped aside to allow the wooden object to pass. As it passed, the girl caught a glimpse of young, pink-haired girl wrapped in a towel, running at an insane speed inside the wooden cylinder, driving it forwards at a psychotic speed.

Beside the pink-haired girl, getting tossed around like a fish in a tumble dryer, was a swirly-eyed man who seemed to be foaming at the mouth. The Chinese girl couldn't help but notice that the man was…naked.

The wooden cylinder bumped and bounced across the courtyard until it reached the stairs….

It went over…

…taking the pink-haired girl and the foaming man along with it.

Inexplicably, all three female pursuers continued to ran after it as it bounced down the long flight of stairs.

"A…anou...what happened?" the young girl who was crying just a moment ago approached the edge of the stairs and looked down. A few car honks and tire screeches reverberated through the quiet morning air as the wooden cylinder, now positively identified as a bathtub-turned-loose-mousewheel, made contact with the local traffic.

"Hi, my name's Chao Rin Yen." The Chinese-looking girl introduced herself, smiling and nodding at the young girl.

"An…anou….I'm Shinobu…" The young girl murmured.

"I can see we're going to be good friends." Chao said happily, looking back down at the traffic fiasco at the foot of the stairs.

The bathtub was still rolling, somehow, and the three girls were still after it.

Chao never thought things would go this well. Nope.

She gave Shinobu an appraising look. Definitely…things were going far better than she had expected.

Shinobu unconsciously, shuddered, despite the warm weather.

To be continued….

* * *

Behind the Scenes…

Apocalypse Alchemist will henceforth be called AA. Beyond the Bounds will henceforth be called BTB. Zenithos will henceforth be called Zen. Eternity Incarnate will henceforth be called EI. The other people present will henceforth be called A, B, and C.

Ok, this is what really happened that day. It has been considerably edited by Zen and BTB as apparently, AA's language was, to put it simply, too strong.

Setting: A living room. Everyone was seated around the TV, which was showing one of the last episodes of Rizelmine.

EI: Ok guys…just two more episodes to go. After that, can we please go get something to eat?

A: Is it seriously ok to let B and C watch this? This must be a violation of age restrictions.

B: Hey, it's ok. It isn't that bad. Though this is definitely a show for boys.

C: Yeah...but Rizel's so cool!

AA: Hey…here's an idea…what about a Love Hina and Rizelmine crossover?

Zen: Here we go again…

BTB and EI: Yeah right…

AA: No, seriously, imagine it. Ok…err…

Zen: Lolicon…

AA: No! listen to me! Ok, Keitaro comes home one day and discovers…

BTB: Rizel on his doorstep? So predictable….

Zen: Yeah…that would just take the cheese out of a good fanfic…besides, Keitaro's gotta be at least 19 in the story. Rizel's 12. No fanfic site in their right minds would allow such a pairing…

EI: Speaking of cheese, I'm hungry!

AA: Ok, maybe not Rizel. Err…Someone from the Mahou Sensei Negima world…

A: YEAH! That's it! Makie-chan!

B: He has a big crush on Makie, doesn't he? (whispers to C)

C: Yeah, pathetic (whispers back)

Zen: Hey, that isn't such a bad idea. Imagine it…a Makie-Keitaro pairing…that's never been done before. Not to mention we've got a starting point.

BTB: It would just be too predictable. I mean, as soon as anyone finds out it's inspired by Rizelmine, then the whole storyline becomes apparent…

Zen: Then don't follow the storyline. That simple.

EI: hahahaha…now it's getting interesting. Ok…you've got my attention.

AA: All right, then the idea's solid!

B: You're going to get BTB and Zen to write this, aren't you?

C: Yeah, AA can't even spell.

AA: HEY! All right…we'll make it a bet. The one who losses writes the fanfic!

Zen: Lose what?

BTB: Make it Jan Ken Pon (rocks papers and scissors) and hurry it up.

A: Ok then! Jan Ken Pon!

AA: EI? You're in?

EI: Well…uh…it's an impulse thing…

Zen: And did you notice your impulse thing just landed you a fanfic job?

EI: I lost?

Zen, AA, A, B, and C: REMATCH! JAN KEN PON!

BTB:…hey, EI, you suck at this. You lost again.

EI: Err…

Zen: Make it a game of cards.

(Three rounds of BS later…)

BTB: This has got to be God's will…

Zen: Yes, it is your destiny, EI…

AA: Or, he just plain sucks at Jan Ken Pon and cards in general…

EI: HEY!

AA: Ok then, the fanfic job's yours. Write it. Now!

EI: B…but…I'm hungry…

AA: NOW! You're not getting any food until you finish chapter 1! B! C! NO FOOD UNTIL HE'S FINISHED!

EI: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!


End file.
